Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
