just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
