It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
and you fell through a lawn chair
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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