You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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