So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
