There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
We need to get me chipped asap
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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