hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
