Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
