is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
too bad you live with your parents still
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
