why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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