So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
