My room smells like vodka and shame
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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