Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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