Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize
