I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
