Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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