Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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