you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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