another moral hangover. fuck.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
