Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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