Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
