Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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