it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
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