hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
