smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
