What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
