You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
You don't make any sense
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