I'm drive I can fine osifer
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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