This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
