How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I still have a little drunk in my system
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
