I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
