Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
