Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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