you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
