end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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