This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
