Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
false alarm, still single
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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