A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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