Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I want to fling myself into the sun
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
