i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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