grandma shit on top of the toilet
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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