ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
