Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
im about as happy as oj after his trial
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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