Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
