imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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