If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
