come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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