just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i love accidental penises.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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