Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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