what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
