Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
