can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
