Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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